diff --git a/app/controllers/aspect_memberships_controller.rb b/app/controllers/aspect_memberships_controller.rb
index 3c49cffb9..fc826a654 100644
--- a/app/controllers/aspect_memberships_controller.rb
+++ b/app/controllers/aspect_memberships_controller.rb
@@ -47,19 +47,23 @@ class AspectMembershipsController < ApplicationController
     @person = Person.find(params[:person_id])
     @aspect = current_user.aspects.where(:id => params[:aspect_id]).first
 
-    current_user.share_with(@person, @aspect)
+    if current_user.share_with(@person, @aspect)
 
-    flash.now[:notice] =  I18n.t 'aspects.add_to_aspect.success'
+      flash.now[:notice] =  I18n.t 'aspects.add_to_aspect.success'
 
-    respond_to do |format|
-      format.js { render :json => {
-        :button_html => render_to_string(:partial => 'aspect_memberships/add_to_aspect',
-                         :locals => {:aspect_id => @aspect.id,
-                                     :person_id => @person.id}),
-        :badge_html =>  render_to_string(:partial => 'aspects/aspect_badge',
-                            :locals => {:aspect => @aspect})
-        }}
-      format.html{ redirect_to aspect_path(@aspect.id)}
+      respond_to do |format|
+        format.js { render :json => {
+          :button_html => render_to_string(:partial => 'aspect_memberships/add_to_aspect',
+                           :locals => {:aspect_id => @aspect.id,
+                                       :person_id => @person.id}),
+          :badge_html =>  render_to_string(:partial => 'aspects/aspect_badge',
+                              :locals => {:aspect => @aspect})
+          }}
+        format.html{ redirect_to aspect_path(@aspect.id)}
+      end
+    else
+      flash[:error] = I18n.t 'contacts.create.failure'
+      redirect_to :back
     end
   end
 
diff --git a/app/views/contacts/_share_with_list.html.haml b/app/views/contacts/_share_with_list.html.haml
index 59957923c..442225ece 100644
--- a/app/views/contacts/_share_with_list.html.haml
+++ b/app/views/contacts/_share_with_list.html.haml
@@ -31,5 +31,5 @@
   .done
     .right
       = link_to t('aspects.aspect_contacts.done_editing'), "#", :class => "button", :onClick => '$.facebox.close();'
-    - if contact
+    - if contact.persisted?
       = link_to t('people.profile_sidebar.remove_contact'), contact, :confirm => t('are_you_sure'), :method => :delete
diff --git a/features/connects_users.feature b/features/connects_users.feature
index 38336cd53..3c493a661 100644
--- a/features/connects_users.feature
+++ b/features/connects_users.feature
@@ -7,7 +7,6 @@ Feature: sending and receiving requests
     When I sign in as "bob@bob.bob"
     And I am on "alice@alice.alice"'s page
 
-
     And I press the first ".share_with.button"
     And I wait for the ajax to finish
     And I add the person to my first aspect
diff --git a/lib/postzord/receiver.rb b/lib/postzord/receiver.rb
index 0cfcdcbcf..e3cc16d51 100644
--- a/lib/postzord/receiver.rb
+++ b/lib/postzord/receiver.rb
@@ -60,6 +60,12 @@ module Postzord
     end
 
     def validate_object
+      #begin similar
+      unless @object.is_a?(Request) || @user.contact_for(@sender)
+        Rails.logger.info("event=receive status=abort reason='sender not connected to recipient' recipient=#{@user_person.diaspora_handle} sender=#{@sender.diaspora_handle}")
+        return false
+      end
+
       #special casey
       if @object.is_a?(Request)
         @object.sender_handle = @sender.diaspora_handle
diff --git a/spec/controllers/aspect_memberships_controller_spec.rb b/spec/controllers/aspect_memberships_controller_spec.rb
index 6a660f926..338bf4a54 100644
--- a/spec/controllers/aspect_memberships_controller_spec.rb
+++ b/spec/controllers/aspect_memberships_controller_spec.rb
@@ -8,38 +8,71 @@ describe AspectMembershipsController do
   render_views
 
   before do
-    @user  = alice
-    @user2 = bob
+    @aspect0  = alice.aspects.first
+    @aspect1  = alice.aspects.create(:name => "another aspect")
+    @aspect2  = bob.aspects.first
 
-    @aspect0  = @user.aspects.first
-    @aspect1  = @user.aspects.create(:name => "another aspect")
-    @aspect2  = @user2.aspects.first
-
-    @contact = @user.contact_for(@user2.person)
-    @user.getting_started = false
-    @user.save
-    sign_in :user, @user
-    @controller.stub(:current_user).and_return(@user)
+    @contact = alice.contact_for(bob.person)
+    alice.getting_started = false
+    alice.save
+    sign_in :user, alice 
+    @controller.stub(:current_user).and_return(alice)
     request.env["HTTP_REFERER"] = 'http://' + request.host
   end
 
   describe '#create' do
-    it 'creates an aspect membership' do
-      @user.should_receive(:add_contact_to_aspect)
+    before do
+      @person = eve.person
+    end
+
+    it 'succeeds' do
       post :create,
         :format => 'js',
-        :person_id => @user2.person.id,
+        :person_id => bob.person.id,
         :aspect_id => @aspect1.id
       response.should be_success
     end
+
+    it 'creates an aspect membership' do
+      lambda {
+        post :create,
+          :format => 'js',
+          :person_id => bob.person.id,
+          :aspect_id => @aspect1.id
+      }.should change{
+        alice.contact_for(bob.person).aspect_memberships.count
+      }.by(1)
+
+    end
+
+    it 'creates a contact' do
+      lambda {
+        post :create,
+          :format => 'js',
+          :person_id => @person.id,
+          :aspect_id => @aspect0.id
+      }.should change{
+        alice.contacts.size
+      }.by(1)
+    end
+
+    it 'failure flashes error' do
+      alice.should_receive(:share_with).and_return(nil)
+      post :create,
+        :format => 'js',
+        :person_id => @person.id,
+        :aspect_id => @aspect0.id
+      flash[:error].should_not be_empty
+    end
   end
 
+
   describe "#destroy" do
     it 'removes contacts from an aspect' do
-      @user.add_contact_to_aspect(@contact, @aspect1)
+      alice.add_contact_to_aspect(@contact, @aspect1)
       delete :destroy,
         :format => 'js', :id => 123,
-        :person_id => @user2.person.id,
+        :person_id => bob.person.id,
         :aspect_id => @aspect0.id
       response.should be_success
       @aspect0.reload
@@ -59,7 +92,7 @@ describe AspectMembershipsController do
       it 'contact is not in the aspect' do
         delete :destroy,
           :format => 'js', :id => 123,
-          :person_id => @user2.person.id,
+          :person_id => bob.person.id,
           :aspect_id => 2321
         response.should_not be_success
         response.body.should include "Could not find the selected person in that aspect"
@@ -69,10 +102,10 @@ describe AspectMembershipsController do
 
   describe "#update" do
     it 'calls the move_contact method' do
-      @controller.stub!(:current_user).and_return(@user)
-      @user.should_receive(:move_contact)
+      @controller.stub!(:current_user).and_return(alice)
+      alice.should_receive(:move_contact)
       put :update, :id => 123,
-                   :person_id => @user.person.id,
+                   :person_id => alice.person.id,
                    :aspect_id => @aspect0.id,
                    :to => @aspect1.id
     end
diff --git a/spec/controllers/contacts_controller_spec.rb b/spec/controllers/contacts_controller_spec.rb
index 3398329cc..22b9ba6ca 100644
--- a/spec/controllers/contacts_controller_spec.rb
+++ b/spec/controllers/contacts_controller_spec.rb
@@ -28,29 +28,6 @@ describe ContactsController do
     end
   end
 
-  describe '#create' do
-    before do
-      @person = eve.person
-    end
-
-    it 'calls share_in_aspect' do
-      @controller.should_receive(:share_with).with(@aspect, @person)
-      post :create,
-        :format => 'js',
-        :person_id => @person.id,
-        :aspect_id => @aspect.id
-    end
-
-    it 'failure flashes error' do
-      @controller.should_receive(:share_with).and_return(nil)
-      post :create,
-        :format => 'js',
-        :person_id => @person.id,
-        :aspect_id => @aspect.id
-      flash[:error].should_not be_empty
-    end
-  end
-
   describe '#edit' do
     it 'assigns a contact' do
       get :edit, :id => @contact.id
diff --git a/spec/integration/receiving_spec.rb b/spec/integration/receiving_spec.rb
index ae6ba0686..c218b4a60 100644
--- a/spec/integration/receiving_spec.rb
+++ b/spec/integration/receiving_spec.rb
@@ -283,6 +283,8 @@ describe 'a user receives a post' do
 
         xml = @post.to_diaspora_xml
 
+        alice.share_with(eve.person, alice.aspects.first)
+
         receive_with_zord(bob, alice.person, xml)
         receive_with_zord(eve, alice.person, xml)
       end
@@ -292,7 +294,7 @@ describe 'a user receives a post' do
         @xml = @comment.to_diaspora_xml
 
         lambda {
-            receive_with_zord(alice, bob.person, @xml)
+          receive_with_zord(alice, bob.person, @xml)
         }.should_not raise_exception
       end
     end